A Few Words About Being A Mom

I don’t want to say I have a one track mind, but I definitely do.

Always known as someone who mixes her metaphors, I’ve said for years, “Simple minds run on a track like a choo choo.”  It made perfect sense to me, so I never understood why my husband always laughed when I said it.   What I mean, of course, is that when I’m focused on something important I can’t concentrate on anything else.

Which brings us back to my daughter’s wedding.

If it can’t be bought, ordered, or color-coordinated it doesn’t have a place in my life at the moment.  We are t-minus nine weeks and counting and my imagination has gone on vacation, taking my concentration along with it.  I was determined to write a blog post this week, but all I can think about is what color gels should be in the up-lighting, and if the seating for the ceremony should be three-quarters, or traditional. How did I ever survive without knowing what a sweetheart neckline was, or that  Wedgwood blue is not periwinkle?  I’m in a foreign land without a parachute. I haven’t felt so out of my league since I first became a mom.

Everything was new back then too:  DPT shots, with the P or not? Swaddling a newborn and which position – on tummy, back or side? Colic, croup, diaper rash, cloth diapers or Huggies?  Breastfeeding or bottle?  To Pump or Not To Pump?  And what about toilet training?!  How the hell does a mother ever survive toilet training?!  I used to follow my daughter around the house holding a plastic potty while she ran naked after her bath, and when she stopped, her eyes crossing in concentration, I planted her on the plastic seat and applauded her success.  And bingo! she was trained!  Nobody taught me that – I learned on the job.  That’s how mothers do it – learning on the job, correcting our mistakes as we make them.  Somehow I survived, and so did my kids.  And that’s what motherhood is all about.  No giant eagle swept down and grabbed one of my litter.  Hell, human moms have it easy.

Now, that baby who was so new and foreign to me is all grown up, a bride-to-be, and getting married.  Somehow I’ll make my way through this rite of passage too. I’ll shed a few tears (all right, a lot) remembering those endless days when being a new mom seemed unsurmountable, overwhelming, and totally exhausting.

It’s funny how you miss those days when you look back.

Somehow moms get through it – we adjust.  We change as the job demands us to change.  We hold close when we have to, and we let go when it’s time to let go. Even though every fiber inside of us wants to hold on forever.  We learn “to hold close with open arms” and love from a distance. Those hugs from little arms, that tiny hand holding ours, those kisses and “I love you, Mommy” we give up because we have to.  Not because we want to.

That’s what it means to be a mother.

If you’re a mom, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you’re not, just think of your own mom, and if you’re lucky to still have her around, hug her a little tighter this year on Mother’s Day.  She may not admit it, but she misses you.

Every difficult moment you ever gave her.

Every perfect second of your childhood.  Motherhood Mary Cassatt

Happy Mother’s Day!

23 thoughts on “A Few Words About Being A Mom

  1. Well put, Darlene!! Motherhood was definitely the challenging and rewarding “job” I had — but then again, I shouldn’t say “was” because you never cease to be a mother – LOL!! Happy Mother’s Day to you too!!

  2. well I need to edit that comment to say the “most” challenging and rewarding….. !!!!! see what happens when you’re on the phone with one daughter, texting with another and trying to read a blog at the same time – LOL!

  3. Weddings! Ugh! Headaches! Money!
    It was recently said on Australian television, that the average wedding out here costs $40,000 (Aussie dollar on a par with the US or, at times, 5% higher) My sister-in-law says their daughter’s up-coming wedding will cost far more. Don’t forget the word used was ‘average’. The average person is a working person so how can they afford this? Plus the engagement ring (which have become much larger) and the honeymoon??????
    If it was me I would elope and keep the money.
    And no – I never did have a big wedding and never regretted it.
    Now clothes – that is a different matter…Love them.

    • I’ve always suggested to my daughters that they take the money a wedding would cost and use it for a downpayment on a house (just not in Santa Barbara – LOL!!)

    • I’m not a fashion maven myself – as you can tell from my need of fashion help for the wedding. But I do agree with you that the cost of a wedding has gone sky-high. I’m definitely suffering from sticker shock.

  4. You Win I’m calling my mom right now!!! :””( That was so beautiful and made me miss my mom. PS-I read “Pizza Man” there is nothing simple about your mind, it is brilliant!!!

  5. I am NOT looking forward to the day I have to hold close with open arms (love that phrase, btw; never heard it). They’re only 5 and 2 and I can already tell I’m the mom who will be bawling at their graduations/weddings/babies/etc. Even now, I tend to get melancholy as time is passing…gotta figure out how to get over that, of course. Great post!

    • I’ll tell you a little secret that will help you get ready for that next step in motherhood, when we have to let go: The Teen Years. But trust me, that’s another post for another day. Go enjoy your precious little ones (5 and 2 – such perfect ages!)…

  6. Oh, Darlene, now that you have me crying….such a great post! My three year old tells me that he’s a big boy and his baby brother is still “wittle.” Sniff. Only for so long!! I had to comment though, at the panic of being a new mom. When I was pregnant with my three year old, I was pretty calm up until the point I had to pick out a Pack N Play. Before we even got to the aisle, I had a break down in the nipple cream aisle because, honestly, I had no idea there were so many to choose from and who knew if I really wanted to do that anyway and–if I did–why did I need cream for it?? Awful. Needless to say, my mother never took me to Babys R Us again.

    I hope you have a wonderful mother’s day filled with much love and relaxation!

  7. Pingback: It’s Hard Work Being Mother Of The Bride | Darlene Craviotto

  8. Darlene,
    I always look forward to your posts. I have to say when you are in the throes of preparing for a wedding there is nothing else more important! What I can say is that it all falls into place when it needs to. If something does not go just as one had planned- ( I slipped on my slip under my wedding dress but thank God did not fall but darn near did!)–you just chalk it up to one of the memorable moments! God Bless! Alesia

    • You are so kind to comment, and I’m happy you enjoy my blog posts. I love your story about almost slipping on your wedding slip – I had something like that happen to me when I was seven years old. Our school always had a big Fiesta where we dressed up in Old Spanish Days costumes and did dances for the parents out on the playground blacktop. Well, when I was seven I used to choreograph all sorts of dances in my bedroom – I thought I was the best dancer in the world. So during Fiesta I was dancing with this boy Kirk (the worst seven-year-old dancer in the world) and he kept stepping on my feet and stumbling along. I tried to take over the lead and pull him along – I was mortified to be dancing with such an amateur! Somehow with all this tugging and pushing him along, Kirk stepped on my long Spanish skirt, and he broke the string around the waistband of my full petticoat. Slowly, it started to slip down and since I needed two hands to hold onto Kirk while we danced, I was helpless to stop that petticoat from sliding all the way down to the school’s playground blacktop. There was a collective gasp from the parents/teachers spectators as they witnessed my ruffled petticoat as it fell to my ankles. Trooper that I was, however, I gingerly stepped out of the petticoat, continuing to flamenco my way to the end of the dance. It was the highlight of the Fiesta that year – and the local newspaper wrote about it the next day. I had established my credentials as a real show biz wunderkind. But after that incident, I never danced again. And thus ended my dream of becoming a choreographer.

  9. What a great blog post Darlene!! I’m thankful you shared this, since I’m interested to read about things that are outside my experience range!! Being a Mom is one of those things!!

  10. I have greatly enjoyed your comments on being the MOB. It took me back a few years, but I know what you are going through. I just have to tell you that if everything doesn’t go off as scheduled, please let it go. It’s not worth stressing over. Example: My daughter wanted an all cheese cake wedding cake. This was a beautiful cake by The Cheese Factory. At the wedding I noticed that the waitresses served a marble cake. When I checked in the kitchen, I was told that they dropped the cake on the floor and had to serve the marble cake. At the time I wanted to screem out loud. But looking back, I now realize it was just a cake. I hope all goes well with your daughters wedding.

    Happy Mothers Day to you. Yes, being a mother reminds you how fast they grow up and leave home. That’s why we keep pictures.

    • That is such a priceless story about your daughter’s wedding cake. I will try to remember it just in case something doesn’t go as planned on Katie’s big day. And yes, you’re right about keeping pictures – they grow up quickly and we need to always remember them as sweet kids. Especially when they grow up and start to disagree with us 😉 Thanks so much for reading all the M.O.B posts, and I appreciate you taking the time to leave me a comment.

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